Shut That Party Down!

So, we know that the field of education is totally covered with male administrators and few are of color. Attending Administrative Leadership Meetings became an undesirable feeling for me. I was/am always the "only" at times. The Only Female, The Only Person of Color, The Only Female Person of Color, The Only Dr., The Only Female Person of Color with a Doctorate Degree.

Party time. First comes the looks when I enter the room, followed by the whispers of "who is that?." Party started. The introductions began. I'm on the dance floor next. My song began playing in my head, "I got that midwest flow, body looking like cinnamon. I'm running sh@t right now, I think I pulled a ligament..." Yep, Remy Ma. Ha.

I began to speak: Greetings (because that's how ladies begin when they are about to dominate and become magical) everyone my name is Dr. I continued my self introduction, ending with the spoken years that I have been playing ball in this field, Twenty plus. And so it started. Eyes opened wide, necks moving from left to right, attempting to lock eyes with that one chick that had the negative comment about me as I walked in. Yes love, 20+ years in education. Educated. Knowledgeable. Dedicated. Ambitious. Attentive. Battler. Warrior. All-my-life-I-had-to-fight. Resilient. However, the whispers didn't bother me, neither did the refusal to address me properly. Dr. I will circle back to this. What I was focused on was image. Body image. Self image. Female image. Principal image. Did I throw you guys off with that? This is real. My real.

Introductions over. I casually grazed the room, I focused on the physically fit and skinny women. Why? I don't know. But. This will become clearer in a minute. As I attempted to cross my legs, unsuccessfully because my thighs wouldn't let me be great, I started to feel out of place. Never have I felt out of place before. Questions started formulating in my head; I wonder if I didn't get chosen to speak up front because of my body size, Is that why I didn't get that last job? Because of my body size? Do they not trust that I can manage a school while being overweight? Are they whispering because of my body size? Does size really matter? I know that it sounds so ridiculous, but I began to not like my image. My body image, My self image. My Administrator image. My natural hair!-Was it the fro with a touch of blonde? Or the natural curls? Was it the fact that it was a small fro with a touch of blonde, natural curls? That's when the party ended and the after party started.

Strict diet. More water. Exercise. Color hair-black. Extensions. Strict diet, more water, exercise, black hair. My thought was: if I wear a smaller dress size and had long black hair with big curls then I will be ready for that next party, right? Right? Right. I had reached an all time low. I lost the weight, found an awesome hair stylist that specialed in extensions and began creating my new self. Image. Right. Just as dumb. I realized that I had fallen into a cesspool. WHY couldn't I be myself? WHY did I change my body image? My hair. My thought process. To. Fit. In. Question mark.

Here's the real. As female principals we have to prove oursleves more than our male counterparts. As black female prinicipals/administrators, we have to fight in order for our voices to be heard. We first have to fight for positions that we are clearly qualified for. We have to fight for individuals to take us serious. We have to even fight for individuals to address us appropriately. I sat in a two hour meeting where all the participanst addressed each other: Dr. Man, Dr. Male, Dr. Boy etc., However I was Roni. Do I not hold the same degree as the room filled with males, white males? It was that day that I became THAT CHICK. The chick that speaks up and embraces what God gave her. The chick that smiles in the face of adversity. The chick that no longer cares about fitting in based on body image. THE chick that my counterparts wish they could be. THAT. PRINCIPAL. CHICK.

I shut that after party down! I. Am. Enough. Colossians 3:23. "Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men." Deuteronomy 2:3. "You have circled this mountain long enough: Now turn North."

Baby! I turned North and will NEVER go back. Love who you are. Believe who you are. Know who your are. Do not change. Battle. Fight. You are a Warrior with Black Girl Magic. The kind of MAGIC that makes people want to know you. That melanin MAGIC that provokes SUCCESS. So when you, Principal, are invited to the party, walk in like a BOSS! Crown on. Chin up. Period.

Dr. Roni